Brown Bread Toast

Practicality is the best alibi for those who fear to accept their emotions

2nd Feb
After 52 years, I am having to write today. Something which I never did as long as I had someone to talk to. It has been 4 days since my angel's demise, the only family I had. She gave birth to my grand children - twins... I was not sure to celebrate the fact that I was a grand father now or sink myself into her grief. But today, after 4 days, which slapped me with the brutal truth that the decision that I took with my confidence , was not always right. I still don't have the courage to admit defeat, but the reality is that I am the only family these kids will ever have. Not by choice, not for an septuagenarian. They are a part of my 2nd innings for anything and everything which began at my retirement. Guess I am about start over afresh again at this age. Let me be frank, the happiness of their birth is over shadowed by the anger against their absconding father. My biggest mistake.

13th Aug

I actually don't believe its been this long since I wrote. 4 and a half years. Thanks to all the help I get from folks here, I never had the need to.But today we lost another. Fourth in the last one year and I knew I had write something down. I hope I don't end up alone in this old age home. God forbid, but I wouldn't want either of these 2 girls to. These are not things I can even talk about freely here. Lucky that I found the diary today....And a small note for tomorrow. I want these to be here- something which Praachi always said - "Time and food are the only things that can fill your life, with good memories or bad. " She said that everytime I was awed by her cooking,every time we were happy ,every time Pratheeka was hurt. She said it to herself, loud enough for me to hear , every single time I postponed her annual trip to her elder brother's house.......

29 Jan

Tomorrow will be Akshara and Akshaya's 8th Birthday. Its been almost a year since I met them. It's a strange coincidence that I end up finding this diary every time I have something to say but no one to hear. Today I am just not able to hold it within myself any longer. I feel guilty of not being able to handle them on my own or give them a family. I feel guilty of not having seen to that my daughter settled down with a committed and responsible person. I feel guilty of ignoring her cribs and complaints. I failed to see through the whole issue. I was successful in whatever I did, in whatever I could ever do. But when I am myself at an old age home, I cant expect them to care of kids too. I can manage, they needed attention and the only justification I can give myself is that someone might someday adopt them . That's the only hope I have. I know how Praachi and Pratheeka would have reacted had they been here today, to see how things are. I sat the whole day recollecting as to how things went by , in those early days, of college, of youth , of marriage and Pratheeka. A nice walk down the memory lane. I never bothered to write after she was born. I didn't need to. I found a good listener in Praachi and a dream come true in Pratheeka.

If they could ever understand I would want to tell them a sorry today, to each and every one of them. I always wanted those 2 pearls from Pratheeka to be happy, live a normal life , with a normal family and the rest of us overlooking them, blessing them. It didn't happen that way. In fact nothing ever happened that way. I could have tried, I should have at least tried. But I didn't......

3rd Jan 2009

I found this dairy today when I was rummaging through grand-dad old books for a good piece to read on. I am so lucky I found it. There is a lot written here. I never saw much of him and always wondered how my family was. I am writing this down as a note for this bond, as a note for this day. I donno why, but I have tears in my eyes while I write this down. I am not sure though if they are tears of happiness , that I at least got some information about my family.. yes my very OWN family... Or to be sad that it is after such a long time. the time where I and Hara di always felt if not anyone else, grandpa was responsible for all the troubles in our life...Wish I bothered to check this box when I got it. I donno why I am crying.. Hope nobody sees me this way.. Hara di.... how do you manage to not react ... teach me that someday di... --- Akshaya

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Akshara read all this for the 3rd time today. Standing by a pillar, in the lobby of a small hospital, trying to decipher what all the displays say. Why did this have to happen now? Why like this? She never knew that she could cry. Not today, never before. Akshaya wanted to show her something for last few weeks. They found this diary with her at the accident site. It seems even with that serious injuries , she refused to give the diary. When Akshara got this diary, she never knew it would open the Pandora's box... A past she never looked back to... A story she always tried to deny. This diary took back to days.. Days when she didn't know whom to ask for answers. Its high time she did it

17th Feb 2009

I still remember those days back in the orphanage. We were with kids and just a couple of adults. Till Gladys aunty was there , it was all discipline. I always thought rules were life. For me Gladys aunty and the orphanage was the world. By time we reached 4th Std, Akshaya started to read books. something which I was not that fond of. She used to read all those happy stories and ask me questions of where our family was? Why grand dad was not staying with us? Why we never get to meet our parents? Questions I could never answer. How could I when I was just a couple of minutes elder to her. Every time she asked such a question, I felt like crying.. Crying out loud... But in order to make sure she doesn't loose it all, I had to keep her stable and sane.

Akshaya was a dreamer. She always was. I knew it that the moment I told her I had no answer she would panic... just the way she did when Grand dad visited us the final time. He brought us goodies and when Shaya saw them, she lost it. With wet eyes, all she could manage was " Where were you?". Grandad just smiled and left right then. He didn't speak a word to either of us. 3 days later , we were watching some guy light his pyre. It didnt effect me much but it hit Shaya hard . She feel terribly sick and was pleading to Gladys aunty for meeting mom and dad. After all this I realised, I could never tell her how she felt. Just out of the fear of how she would react. I also started to hate grandad, for never loving us. for not caring about us , for being selfish. I never told this to Shaya but i guess she knew. She knew as I always avoided topics related to families and relationships. Every time I heard anyone speak, I just remembered that incident. Until today, when I read this diary, I never realised, there could be something more than that met our eye. Shaya, I have nothing to teach.. Not now.. Sorry Shaya , Sorry grandad ... but this is how I have always been ---- Akshara

Cherries Delight

What one percieves is just one probable result of a given situation, not always the correct one

It was a hot sunny afternoon. It was half past two. We were driving for the last 5 hours at a stretch. We had to make it in time to Delhi for the flight later in the evening. There was a thick fog when we left. Adwith was sulking in the front seat. We were searching for a good eatery( a dhaba) , motel or some place were we could rest. We were still on National Highway 24, on our way back from Corbett National Park.

Adwith always wanted to visit it. I wanted to make sure he wouldn't return disappointed this vacation. After all, we get to meet him only once a year, for less than month. He is put up in a boarding school in Lonavala, the place I lived all my childhood. A beautiful place where u know how to fall in love with nature. All of 7 years on this planet, he has already visited 4 national parks and sanctuaries. Thanks to his grandpa who cultivated the habit of him living in jungle resorts, tent houses. He spends most of his summer vacations with them and the winter vacations he comes down to us.

Sometimes I feel we missing out on a lot , as a family. Prathika is stuck with her projects and I am with my clientele. Half the time we are at project locations. With difficulty we meet up for a couple of hours over the weekends. Many a times I fail to understand if it is worth it all. In the end all this is for him, after all it is necessary to make sure my prince never lives a pauper's life.

We just couldn't speed up our journey. I couldn't travel more than a 25 kph till 1 in the afternoon . God save the traffic. Half the National highway was clogged too. Adwith has his flight at 8. Prathika is going to be furious. We had promised her that we would be back yesterday. We guys were having so much fun together we decided to leave early morning( which is nothing before 9 for my prince as this is his vacation time). Luckily we found a decent looking dhaba. I asked Adwith to go have a wash by the time I parked my car

Dad always does this. I love him for it too. Good we didn't leave yesterday. If we don't reach by evening then I can spend another day with dad and mom. Who wants to go back to that school. Darshan bhaiyya said that only children who are too naughty or whose parents are "dicosed" (read dicosed as divorced , just that Adwith is not so comfortable with vocab) are put into boarding school. But i am not so naughty and my parents live together. Then why me??Forget it. Nobody will ever tell me why. I just have to live this for the rest of my life. Let me go wash my face before dad comes , or else he will scold me for this again. How I wish mom was also with us. that would have been great. But dad says she wont get class first award if she came with us.

I am so hungry. Thank god dad stopped at least now. Dad wants all places to be like Hyatt. He wants it so clean, that's why he scolded me for eating gol guppa's ( snacks) at the hotel with Darshan bhaiyya

As I parked my car , Prathika called. She was worried where Adwith will miss his flight. Both of us are travelling tomorrow on work. So if Adwith misses his flight then who will take care of him. That would be a problem. She is still not lost her tendency of thinking the worst case scenario even when the probability of it happening is near zero. Well my stomach is grumbling. Let's see if we can get something decent and hygienic to eat here. This place looks good except for the fact that there are a couple of kids who are working here. Well there is nothing i can do about it now. I dare not ask Adwith to control his hunger a little more or else I wont be able to handle his tantrums. She is the only one who can control him when that happens. God only knows how she manages to do that.

"Table 4 tea has been served, the bada lorry chacha(big truck uncle) on the cot needs another roti( Indian bread). I hope no one else comes now, or else I will have to wait for Chotu to finish his lunch before I can have mine " --- Bantu was thinking all this as he was clearing the table. This was Bantwander Singh's ( Bantu for short) family run business. His dad was the cashier while his mom and grandma took care of the cooks in the kitchen. After morning school. he worked as a waiter as father felt, it will be doubly helpfull for him. One he earns his school fees and two, he will learn to talk to different types of people. Though he was just 7 years old , he knew what was happening. He was going to get a sister or brother by Lohri (a Harvest festival in month of January). He heard his parents speak one day of avoiding fizool karch( extravagance) so that they could save some for his studies and for the kid to come. While Bantu was clearing the table, Adwith 's car pulled into the driveway of the dhaba( Restaurant).

I sat down at the table the boy was just cleaning. Dad was on phone after parking the car. Guess he is sure of making it late for me to catch the flight... Yahoo I guess am not flying back to school today.

While Bantu was cleaning the table his grandmom came out and called him -" Bantu .. roti tyaar hain. Maa andhar tumhe bula rahi hain"( Bantu, rotis are ready. Mom is calling you inside). It surprised Adwith that this boys mom was around. The first look at him, he looked good- nice green t shirt and black shorts, a not so clean piece of cloth on his shoulder. Bantu went inside , got a few rotis in a plate and placed in the table behind his. Bantu then went and collected cash from the customers who just finished their tea. "Bapu, ye lo . 4 number table ka bees rupaik hue hain"( Dad, here are 20 Rs from table 4) . " Puttar. Ek kaam kar, chotu ke khane ke baad , jaa khana kaale aur so ja. shyam ko teacher jaldi aajavega"( My dear son, after Chotu's done with his lunch, go have yours and take a siesta. your teacher will be arriving early in the evening).

This boy is not bad. He lives with his family, teacher comes home and he gives food to hungry people. Grandad always said that is the best thing to do- feed the hungry. He gets to sleep in the afternoon too. I am hungry hope dad is finished talking on the phone. No he aint. Here comes the boy again. "Aapko English aati hain? " (Do you speak in English?) .

Bantu was startled. Right from the time the car drove into the parking lot he had been observing Adwith. When he first saw him he felt this boy was lucky - he got down from a big car. Something he always wanted. but there was something not regular with him. When the boy was washing his face and hands , his mom called him in and told him to take care of the new customers well as they seemed to be very well off. If they are happy then they will not only give them good money but will also ask whoever they know to visit their place.

"Yes. I speak in english, hindi and punjabi" bantu replied to Adwith's question. He whispered, not wanting to be caught talking by his dad. "You are alone here? You want to eat something?" Bantu asked him directly, not wanting to get into any other conversastion with the kid. "Yes, but i want to wait for my dad to come . He is there. You live here?Whats you name?" Adwith asked. He was fascinated by him. This was his first chance to speak to any one of his age who is not from his school or from the area they live in Delhi. He had never met anyone who worked and studied together. He always thought if any boy or girls works then they just work. Bantu was the first boy Adwith had met who knew English and worked in a hotel somewhere on highway.

"I know . Bantwander Singh is my name. I study in class 2 at the school in the village and the person there is my father. What is your name ?" Bantu asked as he pointed to his dad at the cashiers desk in the entrance of the dhaba. It took them less than 5 minutes to talk about the games they play and the cartoons they like. A small bond of friendship was born.

Phew!! It seems like hysteria has engulfed her . Hope we make the rest of the 100 kms in time. The traffic seems to still bad. It took us 5 hours for the last 120 kms . I really feel we shouldnt have made this stop. Now that tis kiddo is already well seated in a table, it will be difficult for me to change the plan. Hope they clean and tidy on the inside. I have already been on leave for a week this month. Cant afford anymore leaves. Who is this kid Adwith is talking to.?

"Hey you. Clean the table and get 2 glasses and a bottle of mineral water." Aaditya (Adwith's Dad) said in a harsh tone to Bantu. Bantu was taken aback.He was so busily chatting with Adwith that he didnt see Adwith's dad walk in. It also attracted the attention of his dad from behind the desk who gave him a cold stare. Bantu went in, washed his hands and then walked back with 2 glasses and a bottle of mineral water.Adwith sensed that he was a bit scared. He saw him carefully and sincerely do his work. The only mistake he did was to bring the cloth with which he cleaned the table alongwith him. It was on his shoulder. Adwith tried to alert him not to do so as he knew his dad might get annoyed with it. While he was pointing this out , Aaditya saw him. He thought Adwith was complaining regarding the dirty cloth . Aaditya was furious. He started shouting at Bantu and sent him in to keep the cloth back inside, wash his hands and bring two fresh glasses .While Bantu was inside, Aaditya went over to the cash counter and made a fuss over it. Bantu's Dad apologised and said he would make sure he will not get anymore chances to complain by the time meal got over. Still furious, Aaditya said he would prefer to have a quick glass of milk for Adwith and leave rightaway.

Oh no! I should'nt have done that. I can't even tell him what it was all about now. He wont listen. He will shout back at me for sure. Milk is all is it. There goes my lunch. Poor Bantu, he's gonna have it from his dad too I guess

I am done for good. That rich kid spoke so well to me when his dad was not there. Now he pointed out one mistake of mine. Bapu and ma are going to be very angry with me. I just forgot to keep the cloth aside. He could have told me about it instead of pointing it out in front of his dad.Just because his father owns that big car and my dad cant , he thinks he is great. Some day I will surely teach him a lesson.

Thank god. Now I can quickly get something light to eat , say some biscuits and chips and leave this place early before Prathika gets more hysterical. I was wondering how I could cut short this break. That cleaner gave me a nice chance and Adwith showed it out too.Now we can make it well in time .

Honey 'N' Oats

Life trains us in methods best known to destiny

I was the last one to board the flight. Lucknow airport was hopeless in all aspects .First the flight gets delayed and they reschedule it . Then without notice, they not only transfer me onto another flight , they don't even bother to let me know. The only consolation was that they upgraded me to business class. Like it matters on this supposedly "low cost airline".

Everything has been happening too quickly and unexpectedly throughout my life. I have just not been able to keep track of most the changes in my life. . Just 5 years back , I was still doing my Master of Law at one of the oldest institutions of the country- The Banaras Hindu University. At that time It was 5 full years away from my hometown - Trivandrum. My parents were afraid where i would settle down with a North Indian girl, who would substitute Punjabi kadi for Avial(Local Indian delicacies made of yoghurt) and insist on speaking only in Hindi. Half way through my course, things were settled and in my fourth year of my course , I lost my bachelorhood to a beautiful maiden who changed my life right from the day one. She became my lady luck with all due respect.

Today is a day to remember. It will be etched in my memory for all the good reasons. I became a father a couple of hours back. Am I ready for this role? I am not sure.I have never ever had the opportunity to spend quality time with kids. It is bound to be a good experiment and I am pretty sure that at least the way things are he will end up being a mummy's boy.Praathika, my better half in all aspects, is more apt as a manager than me. It is also my first flight today and I narrowly missed it. She would have surely mocked me for the rest of my life had I succeeded in missing this flight.They both presently at my in-laws place in Hyderabad. Luckily for me, the court's off for the long weekend and I am flying down to complete my small family.Frankly,I am actually not sure which of the two firsts is making me more anxious.

A steward guided me to my seat. The flight was running pretty empty and I was seated in the third row aisle seat from the cockpit. The cabin crew started the safety drill as the flight was getting ready to take-off. My co- passenger was a small kid. He must be about 5-6years old. For a second i wondered if i sat in the wrong seat. He wore a red Flintstones tee shirt and a pair of jeans. He had his blue jeans cap tilted to a side. He looked smart in his outfit and was staring out of the window, not bothered to listen what the captain had to say in his welcome address to the passengers. It is almost 4 hour long flight , which includes a stop at New Delhi for almost an hour. As the aircraft taxied onto the runway, I realised that my seat belt was undone. As the flight was taxiing on the runway, the crew were also seated in their seats. I started fidgeting with the seat belt. not knowing how to lock it. This kiddo next to me, tapped my arm , unlocked his seat belt and silently showed me how to put it back to its place. It was a strange but nice feeling, to learn such a simple thing from a kid who is much younger to you. What caught my attention was the way in which he chose to help me, guiding me through, rather than verbally telling me how to. Being an advocate, this was something different. I started looking around to see who was his guardian on the flight.

The take-off was smoother than I expected it to be, just a few butterflies in my stomach. The rays of the morning sun flooded the cabin. As the seat belt light went off, I felt another tap on my arm. This time he showed me how to unlock it. I smiled back and said" Thank you my dear young man."

"Welcome. This is your first flight is it?"

"Yes. What about yours?"

"Oh this is my 3rd flight. So don't worry. Sometime the plane will go a little up and down and shake a little too. Don't worry, Pilot Sir will take care of it." I couldn't control my laughter. It was nice to see a small kid trying to make feel comfortable and assured. " What's your name?" I asked him as the steward was serving us fruit punch." Aaditya.Is it fine if i ask you your name?" he replied, sipping his drink."Ya sure. My name is Aniruddha Menon." He then reached to a button on the top panel. As soon as the steward arrived, he spoke " I want to have some jam if you are serving bread .Thank you." The steward nodded with a smile on her face and returned to the pantry.What impressed me was the manner in which he spoke. he was a kid but he spoke like a mature adult. " Aaditya, so whom are you travelling with?". He replied back instantly " Alone,as usual. Actually I am returning home. I had come to my grandparents place at Lucknow for my holidays. Dad and mom don't get holidays na. So I travelled alone this time." " Aren't you afraid of travelling alone? How do you manage?" I asked him. " See,the pilot uncle and aeroplane aunties take good care of me. I get in with pilot uncle and get down with him at Hyderabad. There Dad and mom will pick me up. No problem.They are all my dad's friends."

For the next 3 hours, we spoke of everything possible - his school, his friends, cricket, Sachin Tendulkar, Shah Rukh Khan, Hrithik Roshan, movies and even Ice Age. I didn't realise how time flew. He had my full attention all throughout the journey. I even forgot that I was flying down to meet my wife and new born baby. I was totally mesmerised by him and his talk.This became another first time thing for that day - my first full time interaction with a kid.When we got down at Hyderabad, I found myself searching for Aaditya. As my eyes searched for him, I saw a placard with my name on it . As we drove out of the airport, I saw him leave with his parents and our pilot. He saw me and waved a goodbye. On my way home, I realised yet again that life has its own way's to prepare us for changes. If not so, why would I have to travel in that flight, on an upgraded ticket and sit next to him and get a chance to interact with him.The last 4 hours have had such a deep impact on me that now I am yearning to travel someday with my son and spend such quality time with him.I still wonder how a kid, could have such an impact on a stranger. I guess that's the power of innocence and beauty of life.

Choc-o-lat

Whenever you try to change your destiny, don't forget that destiny controls the balance of life

Nothing seemed to be on track.It had been a tiresome week for him. He was wishing that some miracle would happen with which all these troubles would wash away.But nothing seemed to be working fine. Work pressure was kind of taking more than its regular toll. Also to add on, Prathika was not keeping well for the last couple of weeks. As he couldnt take time of his office work, he had asked her to positively visit the doctor today. Surprisingly she didnt call after the visit either. He reached home and entered using his key. There seemed to be no noise whatsoever. The lights in the hall and kitchen of his 2 bedroom flat were off. The moonlight lit the dining hall beautifully and a thin beam of light shone out from the gap in the entrance to the bedroom. He placed his bag on the table and pushed open the door.

Inside the room, Prathika was lying down on the bed on her back, with her arm covering her eyes. Not knowing what the whole situation was he went and freshened up quietly. By the time he returned, Prathika was sitting on the bed with a worried look on her face.He realised that for all the 22 years he had known her, he had never seen her being this serious. He sat down in front of her and placed his hands on hers and asked her as to what had happened through gestures. In a low tone, she replied" I think i will have to quit my job for a year or two. There are things which need our attention now." This made Adwit more worried. He whispered into her ears" Dont worry, everything will be fine. I will take care. But even before you proceed to talk about the management and committment part, tell me exactly what the doctor said."

She couldnt conceal it any longer. " Well , Mr husband, you are going to get a promotion in less than six months time. I am going to be a proud mom of twins. Your dream of heading your family is going to be true. I am pregnant." This was the best news he had heard in a long time now. He was shocked. He could'nt control his happiness. It was the best thing that happened to him for sometime now. He was spellbound. She continued in her excited but tearful tone" I have been dying to tell you this from afternoon. Only I know how much I controlled this. I suspected it but didnt want to simply give you hopes and make you build your infinite dreams. Expected date is in mid jan. Adwith, how I still wish we could have had them by mid december. It would have been lovely if we could control that and had their birthdays coincide with the anniversary. It would have been great. but I guess this great too.. Two monkeys to take care of two more ."
It was like a thunderbolt of happiness for him. Everything now had a reason. The priorities were set straight. He just wanted to go bang every door in the neighbourhood and share his happiness. " You are the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. You dont understand how much this means to me. Did you call and inform Daadu and Meera chachi. They must know. I will try and ask Meera chaachi to comeover to stay with us. I am sure she will take good care if and when I am out. What say?"

"No . I have'nt told anyone yet. All I did was to call up office and tell them that i might be putting my papers down. Now even before you think too much, I have thought well enough and I have decided. I am not going to think about my career till my family is fine to handle things by themselves. This is my personal decision and I very well know you are happy with it too. I plan to call Daadu and Meera Chachi tomorrow morning. We need to plan a lot and take of lot of things. Whatever it is, we will do great. Please dont get worked up over it".

Adwith was laughing away. All his tiresomeness were lost in neverland. All he knew was that good times lay ahead.

Two months later.

Things were going right on schedule. The doctors were happy that Prathika not only put on good amount of weight but also improved her blood levels. Everything was going on schedule. Meera chachi will be joining them in a week. Adwit cancelled his tours for the next 18 months so that he doesnt miss the most important time of his kids lives -their first year. Almost everything was taken care of. They together ended up finalising on 3 names for each of the twins. The kids room was ready and they planned to sell this and move to a bigger place before the kids got into their pre nursery. Adwith was so anxious and excited with things that Prathika had to shout at him and calm him down. Though it worried her seeing him get so anxious, she was happy and confident of the fact that he would make an excellent father. She even chided him at times that he would end up teaming up against with the kids. Adwith was atlast trying to strike a balance with work and home. Till meera chachi came, he took permission to work from home. His boss realised that it was the best way in which he could work it out as there was no point in making him sit at office when his whole concentration was on Prathika and the kids. On the whole, Adwith felt life was never as good as this.It was the best time he ever had

A couple of hours later

The neighbours rushed her to the nearest hosipital after hearing Prathika scream. They had to break open the door. Adwith was out to office to submit his income- tax documents, Prathika was walking out of the bathroom when she slipped and fell onto the edge of the bed. She was crying in pain. One of the neighbours had called Adwith on his cell. By the time Adwith reached the hosipital, it was all over. She had lost the twins. Doctor had more bad news to share. They had to operate her to save her life and in the process she lost her ability to become a mom ever again.

It took just a couple of seconds for his life to turn upside down. It seemed too unrealistic. He felt as though he was watching the flashback in some old emotional bollywood movie. The only good news was that Prathika was alright. Had anything happened to her, he would have been devastated. She was his best friend from the age of 3. they were always together, both in school days and during college. They were so happy with each other's company that they never bonded with anyone else. In the last semester of their graduation, he realised that he couldnt think of his life without her and ended up proposing her. Exactly 2 years later, on the same day, they got engaged and to this december, it will be their 3rd engagement anniversary. Prathika always wanted to coincide the kids birthdays with this day. But now that could never happen.

As he entered her ward, Mrs Rao walked out. Pratika was silent. Both of them didnt know what to say. He came over and hugged her, not knowing how to break the ice. " Why us?" was all she said and she broke down crying. She was inconsolable.What surprised him was that after he entered the room, it was like blank... He just could'nt feel anything

Six months hence

The summer sun was out. It was half past 9 on a bright sunday morning. They had left early so that they could spend some quality time there. Now they were parked just metres away from the entrance to a place where they had spent most of their lives here. Adwith had actually decided that he would never comeback here ever again. It kind of haunted him of his past. There was now a new board to the campus - " D.H. Welfare Trust And Orphanage". It was here 22 years back when he had first met her. It was here that he found the lone and sole member of his family - Prathika. She was the perfect wife he could ever get. He knew it. In fact they knew it that they were perfectly made for each other.

Over the last 6 months she was inconsolable. They spent a lot of time sitting in the couch doing nothing but rest their head on each other. In the last one month, after a lot of effort from colleagues and well wishers,they got back to their normal selves. It was his idea to come here and adopt. It was shocking for Prathika as all through his stay in the orphanage, Adwit always told her he never believed that adopted parents would be as good as their own parents. He always felt that couples adopted more to satisfy their needs of having a child in their house rather than to be good parents. So all in all at one point of life or the other, it would effect the child and all this affection and love showered will be temporary. They had heard a lot from their friends who were adopted as to how indifferently his "adopted" relatives behaved.Prathika guessed that this was probably the reason why Adwith had parked his car outside the gate. He was not sure if he wanted to go through with this.He didnt know what to do. But she did.

He was standing out in facing the lush green farms which spread across the horizon. She walked upto him and after a couple of minutes she finally spoke-" There are times when we plan a lot of things. Things which we feel must be true and we start to live our lives in order to make them true. Some of them say it is ambition, some say it is persistence. When they achieve things as per their plan, they feel they have brought about a change in their lives, that they have changed their destiny". Adwith turned towards her and gave her a startled look. As usual she had succedded in reading what he was thinking about and she was actually putting it in words. She continued" Might be that we tried to change our destiny. Might be that our destiny is such that we are supposed to be each other's family and it has to end there. We know nothing of anyone before us and we have nobody after us. It is just us. Might be thats one reason why we gel so well. Might be thats why we had to meet here 22 years back and end up as husband and wife. Might be it is true what people say- We are perfectly made for each other. I believe it is true as i have never seen either of us compromise with each other. Our likes, dislikes, wants ,wishes are all alike. We have hardly argued and most importantly we love each other. In course of time we built a dream, a dream of our own family but that can never be true. Thats our destiny". She had tears in her eyes as she said this and rested her head on his shoulder. He spoke in a broken voice" True. I have been thinking about the same. We tried to change our destiny once for our happiness and in the end it got so dangerous that i almost lost you. We did a mistake as we were ignorant about this fact. We never knew that a dream of our own family would disturb the balance so much that it could seperate us forever. Yes i am hut that we lost our dream, but I am glad to have you next to me. To be frank I dont want to try on this front again. If we go ahead and adopt today and if tomorrow something happens to the anyone of us i dont think either of us are strong enough to take it. I am happy to have you in my life and i guess that was Destiny wants too..." They slowly walked back to their car and started their journey back home......


The End

Ala Carte- Welcome to Salads and Spices

......

When i was writing Salt and Pepper series, I realised that the most difficult thing is to exactly depict the state of mind of any character. This blog is all about how people think and how characters might react in situations which most of us might never expect ourselves to be. This blog will tag along philosophy, morality, psychology and also state of mind. Now if you wondering why Salads and Spices, you will need to think a little out of the box. Salads are most healthiest diet in our lives.. they provide basic energy and in short are sufficient to eat and live through our life.. Salads depict the basic necessities of life- education, value system, principles, career, competitive spirit and the usual set of responsibilities and liabilities. Anything in excess will become boring and monotonous. In order to make it more interesting we need to spice it up and emotions are the spices of our life. Through this blog I would i like to take on a journey of emotions.. through situations which many of us would not get a chance to face. So whenever you read a situation, story or article on this blog , try putting yourself into the shoes of the characters an experience every flavour. So thats on the platter.....Welcome to Salads'N'Spices.

Salt'N'Pepper - III

It was quarter to 9 and they finished their dinner. People were hurrying up as a huge group was getting ready to get down at the next station. Aniruddha went over to be meet his better half. Aaditya was now feeling much better than he was earlier in the evening. He was happy to have a good companion in travelling. He had started to like Aniruddha a lot. He admired the amount of transparency Aniruddha had. He was an open book. Aniruddha was brought up at religious orphanage. He loved his mentor, an old man who lived in the old age home run by the same institution. He had named him as Aniruddha Das. He was more than a family to him and his demise almost a decade ago made yearn for a proper family. Aniruddha also mentioned to him about only two real good trustworthy mates he met while he was working for his doctorate in the US. They were twins he mentioned.

Aaditya was not so comfortable while heard Aniruddha's story. He was not sure if he could ever speak out about his life to someone the way Aniruddha did.He always admired the way Aditi and Adwith lived their lives. He wished he could too. But there were certain things which have been there bothering him all the way long. Right from his childhood, Aaditya felt out of place. Only because he was the fraternal one. He had heard from many a people that such a case never existed. He even heard doctors say so. They were 1 in a billion triplets. The very fact Aditi and Adwith had similarities in their looks which he didn't made his life more miserable.When their classmates at school would pull his leg that his family wasn't his own and that he was exchanged with the actual triplet at birth. They tormented him all through his academic life. The very thought that this might have actually happened made him fret a lot. He loved his family a lot and he just couldn't imagine his life without Adwith and Diti. Over a period of time this fear put him into a shell wherein he preferred sitting at home rather than staying away. Even after so many years, he was afraid he was the outsider in the family. There were times he thought of sharing it with his parents or his siblings. But he restrained himself as he was afraid that by doing so he was going to hurt them .That was one thing he never wanted to. Today, he's met person to who has gone through a lot, a new friend. There was something about Aniruddha which made him feel at ease.Something he rarely felt with anyone outside family. For some reason he felt he would understand. Just as the train pulled out of Kota station, he realised that the coach was pretty empty. Aaditya was waiting for Aniruddha to return. For the first time , he wanted to talk, provided Aniruddha wanted to listen.

" You really seem to enjoying all this aren't you. It is giving me jitters. I actually feel guilty of misleading him". Aniruddha confessed. He was sitting in a First Class coupe, with the only lady he loved the most. He might have actually been the only guy ever to travel with two tickets on the same train. All this was for her. She was grinning. He realised that this was something she had been wanting him to do for a long time. She thought a formal introduction between the two might just not be the right way to bring things out of Aaditya. She felt guilty of lying to Aadu. But she knew that this was the only way out. She had to help Aadu . They had to help Aadu . "Quite a bit. Don't forget , this is where the main thing starts. I want to know whats running on his mind. So does Adwith. Just remember one thing- You don't succeed tonight you will never ever get to see me. I can't live with a person whose degrees are only mere pieces of paper and who has no intellect in him worthy of them at all.. " Aditi replied back and started laughing. "Personally , I just hope that Aaditya speaks it out. Not for all condition you put. but I really feel once he tells his inhibitions and fears out, at least to himself, he will be able to live his life normally and not with restraint.I just hope he is not suffering from Eremophobia- the fear of loneliness."Aniruddha said. "But family wise everything has been fine. He has never had any kind of problems with anyone in specific.Then why?" Aditi added . " But still there seems to be a lot of insecurity in him. He must actually realise that he is lucky to be here, with such family to support him. Not everyone is even half as lucky as he is. I really hope he realises it . " Aniruddha replied.

Aniruddha's face went pale. He still remembered the day 2 years back when first met Aditi and Adwith at his university.He was in his third year of his Doctorate in Personality Psychology. They were lively duo and in due course of time he realised his love for her. He asked her out and she accepted.Adwith was the only one who knew about them and he was pretty comfortable with Aniruddha.One fine day as they were discussing about their past , Adwith and Aditi spoke about Aaditya. They had never spoken about it with each other and that was the day that the 3 of them realised that there was something with Aaditya that neither could understand.Six months back, after he finished his PhD, Aniruddha proposed Aditi out for marriage. But she wasn't even half as excited as Adwith was.She wanted him to prove that he was worthy of the doctorate he had. She wanted him to meet Aaditya and make him speak it out. She had given him 6 months time for the same. This condition kind put an unending comma in his life. He had been dreaming on of a family, a sense of emotional security ever since he met her. she was his family, the family he yearned for. He knew that not only were his emotional dreams at stake , this was equally a challenge for him professionally. A failure here would make him loose all the confidence he had in himself. His entire life was at stake.In short this was best test of his entire life as the status of the most dearest relationship, the one he shared with Aditi , was very much dependent on Aaditya. Just as the one liner on his T shirt said he wished he was a genie or at least had one.

It had been her plan, her script to help Aniruddha out. She desperately wanted her brother to come out of the shell he had built around himself. She felt guilty of putting a very close relationship at stake to help the other. She was confident that Aniruddha could pull this one off as she knew she couldn't even think living without him. She hoped all went well. Plan was that Aniruddha would message her as soon Aaditya started speaking she would go sit behind Aaditya in the adjacent cubicle and listen to him. After Aaditya spoke it out she would then decide whether to confront him or leave as discreetly as she came in.After that she would call Praachi and Adwith and let them know what Aadu had said.

Both Aditi and Adwith were tense. If Aaditya did speak it out then they didn't know how Aaditya would take if and even he would realise he had lied to him about his marriage and that all this was planned. Simultaneously but silently, both Aaditi and Aniruddha just hoped that Aaditya would realise that it was all about him .

The End

There are sometimes wherein we assume quite a few things are bury them down with fear and over a period of time it is this fear which starts to ruin most of the good things around us. To help us from such situations it takes a lot of patience and effort from the people to whom we matter. During this venture many other things are at stake. Do you think what Aniruddha has put himself into is worth it all? Do you think it is justified the way Aaditya had chosen to live his life and the way Aditi had chosen to put things at stake? If you were living the life of these three characters would you behave similarly?

Salt'N'Pepper - II

There a certain set of memories, which can make you cry even when you are the most happiest person on this world. Aaditya was early, much earlier than the actual departure of the train. He was travelling by one of the fastest and luxurious trains of the world's largest railway organisation. Aaditya was feeling weird. It was a feeling that he had never ever felt previously. He was kind of worried about the fact that, such an important event of his life did not generate any sort of enthusiasm or excitement in him. He felt as though he was being forced to change, a change which he felt he was better without....

"Excuse me.... I need a small favour from you." The person who was sitting in front of him suddenly spoke, thereby interrupting Aaditya's thoughts. He got little irritated but didn't show it out. He wanted to be alone, in total peace and serenity. He was wondering who this was. The person in front was supposed to be some Dr.Das. This man seemed everything else but a doctor. Some local radio channel advertisement was blaring out of the stranger's headphones. Aaditya could clearly hear it . The slogan on the stranger's T-shirt was unique-'If life is like an old rusted lamp to you, then I want to be the genie .' Stranger was staring at Aaditya, waiting for a reply but Aaditya didn't reply back. All he did was give an expressionless stare back at the person opposite to him. The stranger continued." I am Aniruddha Das. Actually I am travelling with my wife , but she is travelling in First AC. I will be away frequently from my seat. In case the ticket examiner comes for checking in the interim, kindly do let him know that I am travelling and I am away as of now and will be back soon." Aaditya slowly started to giggle. He was amused by the situation in which Aniruddha was in and by looks , he in no angle seemed like a doctor. Very much to Aaditya's surprise, even Aniruddha was giggling. Aaditya calmed himself and nodded in agreement.Aniruddha smiled and left, just as the train started to leave the station. His journey from home had just begun.After Aniruddha left, Aaditya got lost again in his memories. He was tempted to call people back home, but then realised that his cell was out of network area already. Drinks and snacks were being served..

Half and hour later

"Hi, Did the TTE come?" Aniruddha was back.Though the train is fully air conditioned, he had beads of sweat on his forehead. As he sat down, waiter brought him his snacks and juice. Aaditya replied " No Dr.Das. Not yet. I am sorry for laughing earlier. Just that I was amused by the fact that you and your wife are travelling in the same train but in two different compartments. That's what amused me."

Aniruddha laughed initially and said" That's OK. Wait a minute. Why did you call me as Dr.Das. I never mentioned about it to you .Have we met before? ". Aaditya smiled and replied"
No . I just went through the charts before the train departed. Your ticket has been booked under that name." For the first time today, Aaditya could see some traces of expression on Anirrudha's face. He seemed bewildered and impressed."I should have realised it. Well I am Dr.Aniruddha Das. I am a professor at Delhi University. What about you?" Aniruddha said as he finished his drink and signalled the waiter to refill it. " Oh! I thought you were a medico. I am Aaditya Rao. I just got a job in mumbai as a technical writer for an international patent firm. This is my first job. You seem to be pretty young. You really must be good in your domain to be a professor at such a young age. Guess your students must be having awesome fun. " Aaditya replied. "Thank you . Actually I am going on a conference at Mumbai and was wondering if you could help me out with the city. But the way things seem , you are in the same boat , as in to say that you must be also new to Mumbai. Aren't you?". "Yes.This is my first visit to Mumbai ." Aaditya somehow felt at ease with Aniruddha. This was one of the rare occasions where he was talking to a person who didn't know much about him or his siblings. He could see and feel the difference in comfort levels with people who knew about it and people who didn't. Something told him that all this conversation and comfort would be only till Aniruddha got to know about him. Something told him that he need not let Aniruddha know about it at all.

Aniruddha seemed to be restless as he was changing songs on his player. "Why don't you try for upgrading your ticket to first class. You could then perhaps enjoy your journey with your wife." queried Aaditya before the next track on Aniruddha's player could start . Aniruddha had a smirk on his face. " Well there is absolutely no use. My wife loves to sleep the moment she gets on to her mode of transport, be it bike, car, bus train or plane. She is a techie. Guess this what all techies do most of the time. I love to enjoy my journey. I hate dozing off while travelling.I love to chat and just as destiny would have it, I had to end up with her. I guess my whole life has become a total compromise." Was it plain cribbing or was it frustration ? It couldn't be seen on Aniruddha's face.He was plainly expressionless. Aaditya didn't know what to say. He had never heard any body complaining about their life partner like this.Aaditya started wondering at the guy sitting in front of him. He was young, good looking, smart. He was a doctor so was surely well qualified and seemed confident and cool. It didn't seem as though he could be manipulated or pushed around. If Aniruddha was seriously complaining, then for all the qualities that he seemed be possesing, why did he marry her?

The train was speeding away and their conversation was getting interesting. Unable to keep all these to himself Aaditya said" Don't mind, but can I ask you something. Was yours a love marriage?" Aniruddha laughed out loud and said" No way. I wouldn't have been this state then. It was kind of just a sequence of events which terminated at my marriage. My in-laws approached me with the proposal one day and she seemed good . Actually she is not bad either. Just that our preferences and choices are different. She is good in her own way. She doesn't complain much either. Guess this what happens in professional marriages."

"Professional marriages??" Aaditya couldn't make sense of what Aniruddha was saying.

"Well, when you fall in love with a person and get married then it is a love marriage. When families meet and arrange then it is a arranged marriage. Even in arranged marriages there are different levels. Sometimes they select a guy only because he has certain educational qualification or because he belongs to a certain profession, I'd like to call such marriages as professional marriages. Mine was one such marriage." said Aniruddha.

"But why did you agree then? Did your parents force you into it?"

Aniruddha replied " Well, I am an orphan and I always wanted to settle down and have a family of my own. I had just returned after completing my PhD. I joined DU as a professor and my in-laws randomly approached me with a proposal one fine day. A colleague of mine supposedly tipped them of about me.They were searching for a groom who had completed his PhD and nothing less. I met her. She was good and seemed to be the right one. I had no reason to say a no. We had got married in less than a week after out first meeting. It has been just over a month now. Guess I need to start getting accustomed to her company." Both of them laughed.

There was light music playing in the background. The train had been running at top speed for almost an hour and half. It was time for sunset and passengers were giving their choices for dinner to the waiters. Aaditya was enjoying his journey. Aniruddha's company made him forget that he was missing his family.Aniruddha actually made him more comfortable than he ever felt with a stranger. He was different from all the people he interacted with till date. Aaditya was actually surprised with amount of trust Aniruddha had developed with him. He was bewildered with the ease with which Aniruddha could actually tell things out to him as they hardly knew each other for more than an hour. He liked Aniruddha's attitude towards life. He felt he had a lot learn from Aniruddha. It was a good start for the new innings..

End of Part II

Salt'N'Pepper

The best test of life is when the status of the most dearest relationship hangs on the outcome of the most dreadful task of your life. . .

"Hello Railway enquiry? Could you please tell me at what time Rajdhani Express to Mumbai departs and from which platform?". Aaditya always fretted about today. He still wasn’t sure if he had made the right decision.

Aditi walked right into the room "Aadu.. where are you? Are you done? We need to leave at the earliest. I don’t want to rush to the station. Traffic is just too bad to predict.”

" Oh Diti, cant you be patient? Well, where is mom? Listen, mom wanted to tell me something. Might be she is not that happy that I will be away from them. Might be she is not that happy with my job. There is something bothering her and dad. Where is she?" Aaditya was actually pleading to his younger sister. Being the middle one of the triplets was a challenge in itself. He was sometimes glad that he atleast was different from Adwith and Aditi as he was the fraternal amongst the 3. People many a times never believed that they were triplets. Many a times he himself didn’t believe it too.

“ Mom?? Why would mom not be happy for you? Aadu, you took a wrong decision in not joining us for ur master’s. Now you getting back to being hysterical about this. I guess you really need just sit back and think what you want out of life. It is high time you realised what you want in life. Do you have any clue as to where it is leading to? Stop worrying about mom and dad or even adwith and me. Trust me just go live your life. Get a Life before Life gets you Aadu.."

“ Oh no!!! Diti…. Don’t start off again. Please. Mom wanted to speak to me before I left. Stop treating me like a kid. I am actually elder to you by a full minute and a half. So by all means even I know what all this is all about. It is just that there are some things you can never understand.” Aaditya retorted. He hated it whenever Aditi ended up acting more mature than him.

“ Diti… you will have to go alone to the station. Cant afford to leave dad alone. Take care Aaditya and call me once you reach there. I will mail you somethings I want you to be carefull about. ” Prachi hugged her son and handed over a cup of yoghurt to him. Aditi was giggling and enjoying every bit of Aaditya’s disappointment. She knew that he was hoping that mom would ask him to rethink about his decision to work away from home.

After taking blessings of mom and dad, Aaditya left home with a heavy heart. This was one moment which he always dreaded. A fear which made him decline many offers abroad. He scrapped his plans regarding his masters. He wasn’t as strong as his siblings. He just couldn’t bear being away from his family for long .He knew it was his weakness. He knew it was his strength too. After a lot of persuasion, he finally agreed to take up a job in Mumbai. This ended his two and half year unemployment stint.

Couple of hours later.

Just as Aaditya was getting down after securing his baggage below the seat, Adwith was calling him.“Hey bro! All the best. So at last how do you feel about this. Excited I guess..”

“ Hi Adwits, I am leaving at last. Just got into the train. Diti left after dropping me outside the station. She was afraid where I would change my mind and decide to return home.It feels weird leaving home for such a long time. How is your project work going on? Hold on I am just checking the passenger chart out.”said Aaditya as he was trying to balance his cellhpone and ticket. “ Hey kiddo! Chill. I understand how it feels. But this is reality and this had to happen someday. We need to move on. So who is the lucky person who is going to be your traveling companion. Check out if it is a beautiful girl.. It will be an perfect start to your venture..” chided Adwith. “Hey dude, hold on. I am not interested. Sorry. I just checked the charts out of curiosity. Anyways my co-passenger is some Dr.Das. He sounds boring and the most surprising thing is that he is not as old as his name sounds. He is just 3 years elder to us.” retorted Aaditya .“Enjoy. I got to be getting back to my lab. All the best and enjoy your stay at Mumbai. Hope this Dr.Das would entertain you.” Adwith just didnt know what else to say....

Just as Aaditya was settling down, he felt a wave of thoughts trouble him. This was his first stint out of home. He wished he could do things as easily as Aditi or Adwith. He wished he had the guts to take decisions for his own life. He wished he had someone around to whom he could talk for a while. He kind of started to remember a lot of things… some made him smile and a few wet his eyes. Just as he was trying to recompose himself, a cool dude wearing torn jeans and a tight T-shirt. His earphones were dangling from the round neck collar of his T-shirt and his face was simply expressionless. He sat down opposite to Aaditya who was still kind of lost in thought. What Aaditya didn’t know was that this young person across was just about to change his life forever. The journey was yet to begin......

End of Part I

Queue please

Sometime life plays such nice pranks in order to test one's patience.. How would you feel if you were in such a situation- Standing at a bus stop for half an hour and all the buses you waiting for, slow down near your stop, look and proceed without stopping for you...

These are some of those times when we dont know whom to blame or even better,whom to tell. A very close associate of mine, once queried me-" Have you ever thought whom would we all blame, or even ask, in case the concept of God or religion never existed?"I was shocked when i heard it.I have personally known people who blame thy self for whats happening- not in their life,but in the life of those people whom they value the most.... quite often more than themselves.

Well, this reminds me of something, but before I tell you more about it,I just want you to answer one small question .

Is what you want out of life the same as what life wants from you???.

In case it is a No -then which of the two will take more priority-What you want or what life wants from you?

Answer this question to yourself truthfully.